How to Make Legolas Crazier
by alsdssg
Summary: This was written by my friend Amy. Basically, what happens when a bunch of teens get into Middle Earth and cause mass chaos for all, including Legolas? Read and find out.
1. Portals

HOW TO MAKE LEGOLAS CRAZIER 

Disclaimer: If I owned any of this, 1. I would be dead, 2. I would be a guy, 3. I would be richer than I am now.

Chapter 1 : Exactly How many portals are there anyway ?????

It was just a normal average day, and Amy and Nicole were attemting to put their laptops in their laptop lockers. The only problem was that Nicole's locker was about a foot taller than her.

"ALLY !!!!!!" Amy screamed in welcome to the new girl walking down the hallway.

" AMY!!!!!!NICOLE!!!!!!!" Ally replied. It was about then that they all looked at the strangely small door at the end of the lockers. It was smaller than all the other doors in the school and rumored to go back to the school's origins – in the immigration days of America. Normally, the door was closed, but today it was weirdly wide open. And, it looked like another entrance into their favorite class – World Cultures.

"Since when does Mr.L's room have a secret entrance on the other side of the school ???" asked Ally

" You know," answered Amy, " I don't know."

" Yah, that's informative." Nicole stated with as much sarcasm as she could muster.

"Let's all go tell Mr.L how sorry we are for his defeat in the student/faculty basketball game" suggested Ally.

" oh, yeah" Nicole responded. " We crushed those teachers – does anyone know the final score?"

"uhhhhh" answerd Amy.  
Well, anyway the girls finally got around to go bother Mr.L with what was classified as their idea of fun. And, as everyone knows, bugging your World Cultures teacher is fun, and a very cool form of entertainment.

Thus, the girls unknowingly stepped into a portal, which unfortunately for the poor people of the portal's world happens often.

"Hey guys?" asked Nicole.

"Yah…." Said Amy and Ally.

" Where exactly are we?"

" OMG !!!!!!!!" Amy yelled and started jumping around like a crazy maniac " I know where we are – MIDDLEEARTH !!!!"

" How did you know that ?"asked Ally. Amy responded by pointing to the giant billboard, flashing in bright neon lettering : ' Welcome to the plains of Rohan !"

"Oh…." Ally said. " Well, we're in Middle Earth now, what's the first thing we should do ?" Thus resulting in an hour of them standing there suggesting what exactly they should do now. You see, the picket sign thing was so Alageasia, and saving the world was too cliché. Amy wanted to find Legolas again, but noooooooooooo. That would apparently be too repetitive.

As this discussion continued, a group of rohirrim approached.

"oOOh, I know ! " Ally screamed . " I've always wanted to do this – Strider's line : HAIL, RIDERS – WHAT NEWS FROM THE MARK " SO, of course the riders all turn around and start stampeding towards us. But, of course, due to our poor eyesight, they were not rohirrim. They were Urakhi, and thye weren't riding anything.

" oops." Said Ally. And then, the three girls began to run, very fast. So fast, that they tripped and fell flat on their faces. Luckily, however, they were saved by a meteor that fell from the sky. ( Just kidding – making sure you're paying attention. ) Instead, however, the orcs stared at them very hard, and then began to run away. We think that they thought we were Mary Sues and they were actually scared of us. Upon closer inspection however, the would have then proceeded to kill us. This is the only known history in the known world where Mary Sues actually saved someone's life. Creepy, I know.

So then, Amy, Ally, and Nicole decided to run around with pointless randomness until something happened. So, they ran around in circles over and over again until they heard voices coming from up the fields in a left/right/circular direction.

"Are they doing this to inflict pain upon themselves?"

"Who starts doing random pointless things in the plains of rohan ?'

" Does anyone have a potato ?" ( No seriously, someone actually said that ).

And then the fellowship of the ring came over the hill. Ally and Amy fainted at the sight of Aragorn and Legolas. The problem is they fell on Nicole as she tried to catch them. Thus, the three were again reduced to a pile on the floor.

"Help!" Nicole managedto muffle out. And so she was dug out with the help of the fellowship. Sort of . Because then Legolas recognized Amy as the person who kidnapped him and dragged him over to Alageasia. And as Amy is right now very confused about, he was upset and started screaming. Unfortunately, Amy didn't pay attention to what he was saying because she was concentrating on how hot his voice sounded.

Thus, the fellowship found out that these were the people who had dragged their friend around to a different world and tortured him with a game known as "truth or dare", supposedly more painful than being stabbed 5,000,000 times with a blunt knife. Then all the fellowship turned to Aragorn to see what he would do with the three girls. He responded with the idea to bring them along, unaware that Nicole had mad short intimidation skills.

"LET US GO, OR I WILL MAKE YOU DRINK THE CUCKOO JUICE!!!!!" Nicole yelled. Intimidated, Aragorn let them go. And thus they were standing there standing for each other for another hour. Until Ally realized her laptop was missing.

" Hey, who took my laptop?" Amy and Nicole started whistling innocently, as they had hidden said laptop where Ally would never find it.

And that's when they realized all the fellowship wasn't supposed to go to the plains of Rohan together. Then, they turned and yelled at the characters for being inaccurate, and thus the scene setting magically changed to a place right outside of Moria. And then, someone coughcoughnamedNicolecoughcough decided to write pointless randomness on the laptop.

Yes, this is random pointlessness. Not pointless randomness. Jeez, get it right Amy. They are nothing alike☺! Anyway, there was then a schism in Middle Earth in 1054 A.D. I don't know why or how or anything like that but oh well. Yay schism!!! Ha ha! No but really how do you pronounce schism? Is it like **skiz**-_uh_m or **shiz**-_uh_m or **siz**-_uh_m? Amy says it's **skiz**-_uh_m but **shiz**-_uh_m is so much more fun. Yay random pointlessness!!!!!!! Boo pointless randomness!!!!!!

Amy then spent about 20 minutes trying to get the laptop back from Nicole. Meanwhile, Nicole was typing this sentence and Ally was just ignoring them.

Amy did manage to get the laptop back long enough to inform you that there really was no schism but Nicole is just obsessed with schisms right now. Yay random pointlessness!!!!! Okay now back to the story…

Okay, no that we've established the difference between random pointlessness and pointless randomness, let me just tell you what happens next… in chapter 2.


	2. We'll Make a Man out of You

**We finally find someone shorter than Nicole!**

Disclaimer: I don't own this. If I did, why would I be on fan fiction?

So, we left the triple threat (aka Nicole, Ally, and Amy) alone on Middle Earth. Now, that is creepy. But, sadly for the Fellowship, we must leave them there a little longer in order to keep up with the other members of the World Cultures class.

Now, Tess ( in her Arby's oven mitt, as she again mistook February 6, 2007 for Halloween, and no one had the heart to tell her she was wrong), Meg, Kit, Emily, Paige, Abby, Kate, and all the others, who if I mentioned may take more than this one paragraph to describe… were all getting ready to go to lunch. And then, they all got an idea to go bother Mr. L, just as the other three had said they were going to do before….and then they saw the door wide open…it looked like Mr.L's room… and of course, they just had to go in the "secret passage"….**man, are we all repetitive!!!!!!!!!**

And, anyway it was like this that the other world cultures class ended up with Ally, Amy, Nicole, and the poor, unfortunate fellowship to go traipsing around the now unfortunate country of Middle Earth.

"So… What do we do now?" Kit asked.

"I know!" yelled Kate. "We run after Legolas and Aragorn like the crazy fan girls we are!"

"Umm..." Legolas replied "I don't think that's a very good idea…."

"TOO BAD!" the girls yelled. And then half an hour was spent running after the 'hottest guys of Middle Earth (voted so in year 2525 of the fourth age)'.

And then, plot just had to develop. Nicole decided to find someone shorter than her, her size being approximately 4 foot, 11 inches. And, then she started jumping.

For, yes – the hobbits were all smaller than her. It was time for a victory dance.

"Umm…can we get down to business and actually do something productive?" Aragorn asked.

So….all the girls burst into song-

**LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS…**

**TO DEFEAT THE ORCS  
WHY DID YOU SEND ME ROHIRRIM, WHEN I ASKED FOR GONDOR!!!!!!!**

**YOU"RE THE COOLEST RANGER WE"VE EVER MET- AND YOU'VE CERTAINLY 'VE GOT A CLUE- SO STRIDER, **

**WE'LL…….MAKE A MAN…..OUTTA YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Not to have wrong thoughts implied there, **no, seriously we were feeling like singing a Disney song……)

So, after that random interlude, we had thoroughly scared the fellowship.

"Whoa," Boromir stated "I never knew I'd be more scared by little girls than the fouler monsters of the world…unless these are orcs in disguise…"

"No…" Legolas sighed in reply. "I thought so too at first, but no orc would sing this song of Disney- it is too torturous…"

"Hey!" Aragorn responded "You weren't the one they chose to sing about in a scary and out – of –tune way"

"Too, bad…I've been taking way too much abuse anyway." Legolas replied

It was around then that said 'little girls' realized that- BOROMIR WASN"T DEAD YET!!!!

SO, there was much rejoicing, tackling, and yelling at Boromir for lying to them about being dead. But, of course Boromir didn't exactly know he was going to die…since the girls had come into Middle Earth during the War of the Ring……Thus, Boromir was extremely saddened and almost became emo- until Emily Faber started talking. Her peppiness just might have rubbed off on him…..but I don't want to scar you for life…

So, here were about 13 girls and nine guys of differing species standing around the entrance of Moria who had just experienced a song from Mulan. Wow, isn't the fellowship lucky….. AND IT'S JUST GOING TO GET BETTER NEXT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Review Responses** :

**Beckettsbabeo9**: Oh, thanks…I'm sure you loved the random interludes in How to Make Murtagh Crazier…..right????

**MissMonkey91**: Oh, yes….this sequel is going to rock your world (I'm being half-sarcastic here…I'm just crazy like that)

**Za Webmaster Authoress:** Hoped you liked this chapter too!

**prettybella**: I'm going to try to give it some form of plot….but sometimes I just can't help being random (smiles sheepishly)

**RainbowAurora**: Chapter 2 is here! And Ally does think Aragorn is hotter than Legolas….which I strongly disagree with…

**save the pandas**: I know who wouldn't want to shout out such an awesome line?

**yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend**: Thanks,…you're actually in the fic now, CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!

**Azulcat** : Thanks for being my first reviewer! Ally is very happy to be so famous, I can assure you…I can give you a hint of what those last letters stand for….if Ally doesn't bind and gag me first…..


	3. Mr L

MISTAH L!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: You can forget it; I won't say that I own this…. (Dadadadadada!!!)

I'm sorry I haven't written in forever, the laptop died; there was a BIG event in school, and many other excuses that are part of my life. So, yah, ON TO THE RANDOMNESS!!!!!!!

So, anyway, you may be wondering exactly where everyone's favorite world cultures teacher was. He was eating a ham sandwich and walking down the hallway at school. And, yes- this is a non-sequitor. So, anyway, he was eating a ham sandwich when he noticed a door that seemed to lead back to his own room.

" Wow, I never noticed that before!" Mr.L was amazed by the fact that there was a secret door to his room – on the opposite side of the building. He decided, as do many people in this story, to go to his own room through the "secret passageway" (this may become quite a theme in the story…) So, anyway that is how Mr.L joined the nine walkers…and approximately 13 girls standing/sitting outside a dangerous mine near a lake guarded by a watcher who was just might potentially cause certain or uncertain harm. That was not exactly G-rated.

"Umm, girls, where exactly are we? This doesn't seem to be a g-rated universe…"

"Middle Earth." Answered Paige. "Oh, and Mr.L- this is G-rated- just look at the sign floating in the sky". Mr.L looked up to see another neon billboard proclaiming "THIS STORY IS G-RATED."

"Allrighty then." Mr.L responded.

"We should develop some plot." Amy told Nicole

"That just _might_ make it more interesting…" Nicole answered, full to the brim with the sarcasm she was acclaimed for. However, no mad short intimidation skills were in effect – yet…..

So, they spent a few moments there waiting for the fellowship to figure out the password, saying things like "Oh, when I get back, I think I'll eat a _mellon_." And things like that – that oh, obviously weren't meant as hints or anything of course…

SO, they got into the mine - and there was much rejoicing. Then, the watcher came out, grabbed Frodo's ankle, he was saved, and everyone was happy (insert happy dance here).

"You do realize you just put a good chunk of the book into two small paragraphs, right?" Nicole asked.

"Yes, I do," answered Amy, "but, in the grand scheme of things…"

"Hey!" Abby yelled "I LOST THE GAME!" resounding in cries of the same anguish.

"Girls," Mr. L started gripping his forehead, "CAN YOU SEE THE PAIN!!??"

"No." Paige answered.

"Oh. Okay then. "Mr.L replied.

So, everyone was in Moria successfully. Then, the girls got bored. So, they pulled out their ipods and stuck them in their ears. They then started screaming out the lyrics to "I'm a believer" which happened to be one of the theme song of the event that prevented me from updating.

"BE QUIET!" Gandalf yelled at the screaming ninth graders. "There are fouler things than orcs in the deep places of the world!"

And then, Pippin, startled by all the yelling and off-key singing, knocked over the orc, creating a clashing sound and sending all the goblins inside Moria after the fellowship and co.

"Like, OH MY GOSH, ORCS!!!!" Boromir yelled.

"Boromir, you can stop being preppy now." Emily Faber instructed him.

"Umm. Okay…They have a cave troll." Boromir replied with a tiny bit of sarcasm.

"Yeah, can you guys just save us from them now?" Nicole demanded. And as we all know, Nicole has short intimidation skills. So, the fellowship was so frightened by the 4'11" girl that they instantly brought out their swords and tried to fight the oncoming orcs. Not to mention the fact that Gimli was heart broken over the death of his cousin, but we don't want to go into that with too much detail, since this is supposedly a comedy. (You never know, I could be trying to brainwash you all with LOTR nonsense.)

Then everyone started fighting, and then the middle schoolers from the girls' school came out to fight for them. You see, in assemblies the middle schoolers are allowed to leave first. We like to think that this means, in a war, they would be sent out as the first to fight. You see, no one could possibly want to see a freshman hurt. (Half- sarcasm freely exhibited here).

So, then everyone started fighting and the girls got on their lawn chairs and shouted some words of encouragement. Sadly, they weren't loud enough. Poor Frodo got stabbed by the cave troll. But it's okay – since he's wearing a mithril shirt. YAY FRODO!!!!!

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Ally suddenly yelled out. "We're losing the canon – the fanon is starting to creep out more and more."

"There is only one thing that could cause that." Abby replied. "- a Mary or Gary-stu."

"Hello there." A young man stepped through the shadows. He had hair that was varying different shades of blonde, twinkling blue eyes, and sparkling skin that was neither tan nor completely white. "My name's Elroh Ardednel and I am a long lost brother of Aragorn. "

The girls's eyes twitched several times. Then, Kate began to pick up the chant- "GARY – STU, GARY – STU, GARY – STU …!"

Everyone began to pick up the chant and started to chase Elroh around (which he should know, is a total rip-off of Elohir), and he ran screaming. IT was at this time that the Fellowship decided they really should get out of Moria- a red light was coming out a tunnel from deep inside the mine.

"A Balrog…" Gandalf muttered.

"Oh, Gingersnaps." Amy declared.

And then they ran crazily away… To the giant bridge (/ chasm) toward the end of Moria. And that is sadly where we must stop for Ally's battery has run out.

Review Responses

Zoe: Ally likes POTO and since this is her penname I'm borrowing, I'll pass the idea on to her.

Dracoluver01: Thanks.

Kate: Yes, Turly, we all love your wonderful self.

Beckettsbabe09: Thanks. I'm glad I haven't gone corny.

Save the Pandas: Oh yeah. Faramir belongs in that group. I do love him. Eowyn deserves him though. Boromir isn't dead because we're just going through Moria.

MissMonkey91: I shall.

Prettybella: Yeah, that's an awesome song.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Of course it is. I did a Gary Stu thing. Hope you liked/disliked Elroh.

Stripysockz: Glad you love it. I can write better than Ally. Yay! Anyway, now that I'm done gloating, you need to see LotR and read the books (cause they're awesome) or something.

Azulcat: No, I haven't messed up the story. Boromir's not dead yet because they still have to go through Moria. Gandalf hasn't even died and been resurrected yet.


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